Category Archives: TV

Getting Real about Cheetos & Cheeseballs

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a multiracial children’s choir, sparkly mock turtlenecks and the only person Al Gore could have defeated in the 2004 Presidential election?

only xxxl t-shirts for these unfortunate children

 

I left the set of General Hospital to say 3 lines at the Oscars

A: Oh the 2011 Academy Award snoozefest…

I wanted to like it but I just didn’t.  Am I wrong here?  There were way too many attempted moments lost on me to count, but I’ll try below:

1. Where was Ricky Gervais? (Waiting for Superman)

2. Can I get a redo starring Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin? (Hello Emmys)

3. Who was the hysterical old guy with the cane who presented Melissa Leo with her Supporting Actress award and why was he not given more airtime? (#Viagra)

4. The sexual tension between Justin Timberlake aka Banksy and Mila Kunis is killing me.  Loved her dress btw.

5. Those were the 4 best songs of the year – REALLY?

6. Was I the only one left wondering where the cast of Glee was during all this? (See number 2)

7. Props to Rachel Zoe who kept me watching, it didn’t matter what Anne or Franco had to say, because it wasn’t much, just give me more dresses, k thanks.

8. Producers sink to new low with Franco in drag and a random autotune remix of Ron Weasley and Jacob without a shirt (fyi – Twilight was not nominated and this is not the MTV movie awards or is it?).

9. Um did I just blink and see Obama on the screen?! (And the Oscar in editing goes to…)

10. The King’s Speech speech playing over all the nominee clips – pretty much took the guessing out of anything.  Booorrrringgg.  Like when Natalie Portman told us who the father was.

11. 5th Graders singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”.  Hello Cheese, Cheesy, Cheeseballs and Firey Hot Cheetos.  Can I get hot sauce on those?

12.  Oh yeah, my madelines were fucking incredible.  Night y’all.

 

WINKLEVOSS!!! Note: Just found out Armie Hammer is not actually a twin

 

 

 

 

 

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Getting Real about living in Portland

Portland – you probably don’t know that much about it.  Maybe you’ve considered visiting one day, but then thought about how much more fun it would be to go to Costa Rica.  I recommend letting IFC take you there.  At least on a tour of the city’s stereotypes with guides Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein of Sleater Kinney fame.  Be sure to stay long enough to see Steve Buscemi in the Women & Women Bookstore.

Fridays @ 10:30pm

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Getting Real about Hollywood’s most talked about moments this week

1. Anne Hathaway cast as Catwoman


Anne Hathaway has nabbed the role of Selina Kyle and her alter ego, Catwoman in Christopher Nolan’s latest film in the Batman saga, “The Dark Knight Rises.” Set for release on July 20, 2012, this is rumored to be Nolan’s last Batman film, so probably also the last Batman movie anyone will care to see. Remember when Joel Schumacher tried to do a Batman movie and cast Arnie as Ice Man? Not so hot (pun intended). On a more serious note, Michelle Pfeiffer will forever be my Catwoman and that’s that.

2. Jennifer Anniston hates the “Rachel” haircut

In this month’s Allure magazine, Aniston refers to the rachel haircut as the “bane of her existence” and says, “I think it’s the ugliest haircut I’ve ever seen”. Really? Have you ever seen this one?

Orrr how about this one?

Yeah, the “rachel” is starting to look pretty good right about now isn’t it?

3. Natalie Portman’s speech at the Golden Globes

During her acceptance speech for winning the Best Actress award for her role in Black Swan, Natalie acknowledges and thanks her fiance and Black Swan co-star Benjamin Millepied saying, “you might remember him in the movie as the guy they ask, would you sleep with that girl? and he’s like pfff no!” Ok, yes with you so far Natalie…then she goes on to say, “he’s the best actor! It’s not true, he totally wants to sleep with me,” then giggles like a school girl and points to her pregnant belly. So that’s how babies are made. Just one word Natalie: awwwkward.

4. January Jones’ dress
January Jones was the anti-Betty Draper, ditching the demure for the down right saucy. Some call it bold, some call it provocative. I say, while she certainly has the figure to pull it off, too much of the dress was cut out for my taste. My male friend says: there was two things I liked about that dress. I will let you guess what those were.

5. Ricky Gervais is too crude for some

The peeps at the Golden Globes think he went too far and his jabs were mean spirited. I personally enjoyed that he called out the Hollywood Foreign Press for nominating The Tourist just to get Angie and Brad to the ceremony. Seriously when was the last time either of those two made a good movie? I’m still trying to forget the three hours of my life I wasted watching Benjamin Button.

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Getting Real about the longest day of my life

This song /video has been the only thing keeping me going to today

So ready for a drink… and to dance to Katy Perry

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Getting Real about the GQ Glee cover

The new GQ featuring the highly controversial Glee cast photo spread hits the news stand today. The Parent Television Council (why does this council even exist?) was quick to denounce the photos immediately stating that, “it is disturbing that GQ, which is explicitly written for adult men, is sexualizing the actresses who play high school-aged characters on ‘Glee’ in this way” and boldly claimed that these photos border on pedophilia. Katie Couric is “disappointed” (which by the way is waaaay worse than pissed), that chick that used to be on Hanging with Mr. Cooper who is now on “The Talk” (the poor man’s “The View”) was upset about the example these women are setting for her 8 year old daughter. In her home they watch the show together as a family, and her daughter really looks up to these cast members.

First of all, why is your 8 year old watching a show about high school kids? I mean have you seen the show? Didn’t catch any adult themes in there that might be a little inappropriate for an 8 year old? “Push It” dance sequence anybody? Dry humping? No? Just because there is singing involved doesn’t mean it’s kid friendly. The Rocky Horror Picture Show has songs in it, but do you want to get into a conversation about what a “pelvic thrust” is with your 8 year old? Didn’t think so. (p.s. so excited for the Rocky Horror Glee Show episode tonight!)

Secondly, why are we still relying on young starlets to be role models for our kids? Because Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears did such a stellar job? These women are trying to make a career for themselves, not reinforce some moral code you have deemed proper for your offspring. Everybody knows this is the trajectory for young Hollywood: unknown –> big deal –> skanky photo shot –> controversy –> even bigger deal –> (from here on there is some variation). It’s a little sad that Sharon Osbourne came out as the voice of reason pointing out that GQ is a high end men’s fashion magazine, it’s not for your kids to be reading. It’s not altogether shocking to see scantily clad women gracing the cover. Hand your kids the newest issue of Tiger Beat and let’s move on people.

Perhaps I would feel differently if I had children. That I do not know. What I do know is it is not my place to be policing another woman’s sexuality and how she chooses to put it on display. I will say the Lea Michele’s crotch shot was an image I could’ve gone without seeing, but hey. I just don’t think the media is focusing on the REAL issues here, like:

-why is Cory Monteith fully clothed in all the pics, can a girl see some abs at least?
-scratch that, where are Mike Chang’s abs?


-will I ever see Mr. Shuester’s abs?
-since when do we wear white knee socks with heels?
-why is Lea Michele so obnoxious? Notable quotables include:

“I don’t know how they got me to do half the stuff I did…but I was in really good shape this summer, so…” (and by good shape I mean so skinny I now resemble a bobble head)

“”I was one of the only girls in my high school that didn’t get a nose job…and if anybody needed it, I probably did. But my mom always told me, growing up, ‘Barbra Streisand didn’t get a nose job. You’re not getting a nose job.’ And I didn’t. F– those people.” (wow you are so BRAVE…I give her maybe 2 more years, she’ll cave…and then she’ll deny it like Ashlee Simpson).

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Getting real about the size of Dylan McKay’s forehead

Are you ready to feel really old? Oh, you are? Good. It has come to my attention that today, October 7th, marks the 20th anniversary of the premier  of Beverly Hills 90210. That’s right – it’s been two decades since the Minnesota twins first strolled through the doors of West Beverly High clad in stonewashed denim jackets and upset the delicately-maintained social hierarchy with their Midwestern values (and Brandon’s mullet).

To commemorate this momentous occasion (and also to honor the fact that Gabrielle Carteris, the actress who played Andrea Zuckerman, is now literally 50 years old), let’s take a spin through some of the highlights of the good old days hanging at the Peach Pit (and yes, I am one of those maniacal believers that the show sucked after the Brenda years so don’t even THINK you’re going to see Valerie Malone in these highlights):

Brenda and Dylan’s totally intense first kiss

O.M.G. – you just don’t see drama like this on TV anymore. Imagine you’re out on this really great date and then all of a sudden the guy’s dad comes home and your date FLIPS out. But this is the guy that you’ve been pining after (not to mention the guy that your best friend also kind of likes) so you go chasing after him when he storms out of the HOTEL WHERE HE LIVES. He screams and cries. You cry. Then you make out. I always thought (hoped/wished/dreamed) my first kiss would be like this.

Kelly’s mom goes apeshit at the charity fashion show

This is probably one of my favorite moments because it reminded me that nobody’s mom is crazier than Kelly Taylor‘s and also scared me way more about cocaine than Officer Campeon and his D.A.R.E. education ever did. The actress who played Jacki should totally have gotten an Emmy for this performance.

Scott shoots himself

It’s still kind of unclear if the gun went off by accident or whether David’s freshman buddy Scott inentionally committed suicide but I commend the show for dealing with the serious subject of teen suicide and dealing with the death of a friend (or a son – the show also focused a lot on Scott’s overbearing mother). I also think that there is a good possibility that Scott was gay so I don’t commend the show for keeping him in the closet. For a project that is helping gays deal with bullying/teen suicide, see www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject from Dan Savage.

Color Me Badd guest stars

I want to sex you up. That’s pretty much all you have to say about Color Me Badd who had an awesome cameo, appearing at the Peach Pit. God bless the early 90s. Oh, also in this episode, Donna finds out that her mom’s a ho.

Emily Valentine torches the homecoming float

There was perhaps no character that brought more conflict to the show than biker chick Emily Valentine who briefly stole both the hearts of Brandon and Dylan (THAT BITCH). I mean, obviously we had to hate her for stealing the only two men in the school…but then when she torched the homecoming float…we pretty much wanted to see her get a one-way ticket back to Marin County. Who would DARE mess with something as sacred as a homecoming float anyway? Girl had some issues.

Donna Martin Graduates!

So what if Donna had a little too much champagne at Mel Silver’s before prom? She overcame a learning disability for god sakes and then the tyrannical school board had the gall to not let her graduate. Thank god the sheer political organizing power of the West Beverly High juniors and seniors triumphed in the end by marching on the Mall…errr, I mean down Mullholand and chanting that epic refrain, “DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES”. It’s the moment that inspired me to become a political activist. I think it was the same moment for Obama.

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Getting Real about working with Zack Morris

Ok not the actual Zack Morris.

I walk into work last week, and I see a young man sitting in the lobby with flowing blond locks swept carelessly (but no doubt carefully) to one side. I look him over and then look at our office assistant inquisitively. Later I ran into her in the kitchen, leaned in and asked, “sooo who’s the teen heartthrob in the lobby? I mean that hair, really.”

“Funny you should say that,” she responded “because his name is Zack Morris.”

 

how can you say no to this face?

 

SHUT UP. <—that is my token response to anything that excites me: a really good espresso, arcade fire in concert, baked sardines, ring pops, the stunning view from the Marin headlands, finding out there is the potential that I will work with someone who shares a name with a pop culture icon.
This week I found out that I will indeed be working with him. I saw him walking around our office and I began scouring my brain for the perfect Saved by The Bell reference to open with when we finally do get introduced. I’m sure he has heard it all at this point.

From personal experience I know how annoying it is when people poke fun at your name in the EXACT same way and still somehow let themselves believe they are in any way original. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard, “oh your name is Flora, like Flora and Fauna, heh heh” Yeah, just like that. Or, ”does anyone ever call you Flo?” Hmm, let me just try and count the number of times someone has said to me, “‘scuse me Flo, what’s the soup du jour?” In fact I refused to watch Dumb and Dumber for the longest time just to avoid hearing that line. Florider, Flomaster, Flodo, Flojob, Fluoride, I’ve heard it all.

But Zack Morris? How can I pass up the chance? This is right up my alley. I can say with confidence that I have seen every episode of Saved by the Bell (that is the original, also the early years with Miss Bliss, including the summer at Malibu Sands and the special episodes where they went to Hawaii for Jessie’s dad’s wedding) at least twice. I know my pop culture and I take pride in my ability to insert it (usually in a clever manner) into any conversation. The stakes were high. I could…

-walk into the room and yell out, “hey hey hey WHAT is going on here?” in my best Belding voice.


-introduce myself as Kelly Kapowski


-somehow get a replica of the Zack cell phone, hand it to him and say, “phone’s for you”


-call him preppie (too obvi, but still)


-start singing “Friends Forever”, Zack Attack’s hit single


-ask him if he wants to go to the Max after work and get a malt

When the time finally came, he approached me and introduced himself and I stood there, my mind blank, grasping for something, anything. And all that came out was, “so uh, your name is really Zack Morris huh?”

He shook his head slowly and said, “yep” and I said, “cool”. And then he walked away.

EPIC FAIL.

Then I watched this video and I felt better…one of the many lessons I have learned from Zack and co.

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Getting Real about releasing songs that can easily be recorded by the cast of Glee

"Yo this song is for Glee"

A while ago Getting Real posted about a collaboration between Kanye and Bon Iver.

Kanye’s “Dark Twisted Fantasy” is about to drop at the end of the month.  Check out the song here with Bon Iver’s chorus.

The first thing I thought about while listening to this song…  GLEE

Basically the only way to stay relevant as a musician these days is to get Rachel Barry or Artie to sing your songs with Mike Chang doing sweet breakdance moves.

so you think you can dance?

Why else would Paul McCartney write a letter to the show’s creator Ryan Murphy granting him full access to the entire Beatles catalog?

‘Hi Ryan, I hope you will consider some of these songs for Glee‘.”

Still paying off his divorce lawyer?

Most likely, yes, for the rest of his life.

Or trying to stay hyper relevant with tweensomething’s show choirs?

The correct answer is BOTH.

Obvi Kanye is an intelligent recording artist who doesn’t really have any street cred with his fellow African Americans so why not switch gears and play to the hipster crowd and fly Bon Iver to Hawaii to record a sick chorus that every Gleek will want to download the second the episode airs.

If you have been paying attention this season, regionals are being held in NYC this year.  And since Glee has already used up their Jay-Z card, Kanye’s “Lost in the City” seems like the perfect opening number to steal the trophy away from Vocal Adrenaline.

p.s.  Last week’s “Toxic” featuring Britney S. Pierce is currently one of iTunes top 20 song downloads.

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Getting Real about rights (or lack thereof) for migrant farm workers

Stephen Colbert testified before Congress today speaking as an “expert” on the intensity of farm labor after working one day in the bean fields of upstate New York.

His opinion of migrant workers stealing American jobs was simply stated as “I don’t want a tomato picked by a Mexican — I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan, and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.”

USA No. 1

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Getting Real about the michael cera school for acting

Now accepting applications…

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