Category Archives: Sex

Getting Real about the GQ Glee cover

The new GQ featuring the highly controversial Glee cast photo spread hits the news stand today. The Parent Television Council (why does this council even exist?) was quick to denounce the photos immediately stating that, “it is disturbing that GQ, which is explicitly written for adult men, is sexualizing the actresses who play high school-aged characters on ‘Glee’ in this way” and boldly claimed that these photos border on pedophilia. Katie Couric is “disappointed” (which by the way is waaaay worse than pissed), that chick that used to be on Hanging with Mr. Cooper who is now on “The Talk” (the poor man’s “The View”) was upset about the example these women are setting for her 8 year old daughter. In her home they watch the show together as a family, and her daughter really looks up to these cast members.

First of all, why is your 8 year old watching a show about high school kids? I mean have you seen the show? Didn’t catch any adult themes in there that might be a little inappropriate for an 8 year old? “Push It” dance sequence anybody? Dry humping? No? Just because there is singing involved doesn’t mean it’s kid friendly. The Rocky Horror Picture Show has songs in it, but do you want to get into a conversation about what a “pelvic thrust” is with your 8 year old? Didn’t think so. (p.s. so excited for the Rocky Horror Glee Show episode tonight!)

Secondly, why are we still relying on young starlets to be role models for our kids? Because Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears did such a stellar job? These women are trying to make a career for themselves, not reinforce some moral code you have deemed proper for your offspring. Everybody knows this is the trajectory for young Hollywood: unknown –> big deal –> skanky photo shot –> controversy –> even bigger deal –> (from here on there is some variation). It’s a little sad that Sharon Osbourne came out as the voice of reason pointing out that GQ is a high end men’s fashion magazine, it’s not for your kids to be reading. It’s not altogether shocking to see scantily clad women gracing the cover. Hand your kids the newest issue of Tiger Beat and let’s move on people.

Perhaps I would feel differently if I had children. That I do not know. What I do know is it is not my place to be policing another woman’s sexuality and how she chooses to put it on display. I will say the Lea Michele’s crotch shot was an image I could’ve gone without seeing, but hey. I just don’t think the media is focusing on the REAL issues here, like:

-why is Cory Monteith fully clothed in all the pics, can a girl see some abs at least?
-scratch that, where are Mike Chang’s abs?


-will I ever see Mr. Shuester’s abs?
-since when do we wear white knee socks with heels?
-why is Lea Michele so obnoxious? Notable quotables include:

“I don’t know how they got me to do half the stuff I did…but I was in really good shape this summer, so…” (and by good shape I mean so skinny I now resemble a bobble head)

“”I was one of the only girls in my high school that didn’t get a nose job…and if anybody needed it, I probably did. But my mom always told me, growing up, ‘Barbra Streisand didn’t get a nose job. You’re not getting a nose job.’ And I didn’t. F– those people.” (wow you are so BRAVE…I give her maybe 2 more years, she’ll cave…and then she’ll deny it like Ashlee Simpson).

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Filed under Flora, Sex, TV

Getting Real about Fashion Week

It’s fashion week in New York people but that doesn’t mean SF isn’t celebrating in our own special way…

"money can't buy you class"

I’m as giddy as a schoolgirl on my way now to Macy’s Union Square where the one and only Countess LuAnn de Lesseps from “The Real Housewives of New York” will be making a special guest appearance tonight!!!!

Who cares what she wears as long as she sings her instant classic “Money Can’t Buy You Class”

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Filed under Fashion, Katie, Sex, TV

Getting Real about touching Natalie Portman

i read the GRR post yesterday and started thinking a lot about natalie portman for like ten minutes. not like thinking ‘i’d so fuck natalie portman’, which is a good fantasy, but not the one i was having.

i was thinking about the time i touched natalie portman which was probably the best day of my life and that’s what i was thinking about.

for a long time i assumed i’d work in politics. what i didn’t know at the time was it was actually like saying you’d work in poverty and disappointment and probably have a bad haircut even though you had sweet hair at the time and had no idea that it would just fall out when you turned 26 and then you blame your dad who’s like, fuck you kid – i was always bald, and then you have no one left to blame because the story about your grandpa on your dad’s side is a load of shit.

so when you work in politics, everyone is really excited about things for no good reason. like, i’m so pumped about this election. this guy is totally gonna legalize it – which is one of my top three issues. but no one ever legalizes it which is why i no longer believe in anything and just moved to cali instead. but when people get excited in politics it means two things: free booze and celebrities, which are my other two top issues.

when i worked in politics i drank a lot of free booze. i was probably a borderline alcho because i even puked at my desk once, but it was more like dry heaves cause i obvi didn’t eat dinner the night before and mostly because i couldn’t go to the bathroom at work until lunch because the phone might ring and you had to pretend the senator was there and that he like couldn’t agree more with abortion or shooting mexicans at the border or else we’d lose the election and the world would go to hell.

but it was all worth it the time i touched natalie portman.

i was tight with the dudes at the democratic party when i had good hair and was taking like 12 credits and just chilling a lot so sometimes i’d ‘do shit’ for them to pad my resume and convince my parents i was doing relevant activites and that i was pursuing a meaningful career. this was when bush was president and we were all ‘really excited’ about being libs and we only listened to The Boss (born 2 run era).

due to all the excitement, and because we listened to ‘no surrender’ pretty much on repeat, natalie portman showed up to keep us really excited and to
tell us how to be better libs and how to go to harvard. this was when when natalie portman shaved her head and wasn’t that hot, which i think helped
her focus on working in politics. i usually block the part out about her shaved head when i think about the time i touched her and imagine she had the good star wars hair but i’m just using this for context. either way it was way better than listening to john kerry.

so the dudes at the democratic party knew i was tall and they needed someone to take a bullet for natalie portman and couldn’t afford actual bodyguards. obvi i was the first person to come to mind and i have always said i’d take a bullet for natalie portman every since i saw the professional on usa network when i was like 12 and knew we were destined to be together.

there were all these things i wanted to tell natalie portman when i touched her and because i was her bodyguard, i assumed she’d want to tell me things
she’s never told anyone else just in case she died in my arms and needed me to pass a message on to her loved ones. but no one shot her and we just kinda stood there and i swear it was her shoulder that brushed against my back.

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Filed under ghostwriter, Hotness, politics, Sex

Getting Real about sleep-away camp

My brother just got back from being a counselor at sleep-away camp in Vermont and as countless children across the United States trade in their friendship bracelets and Color War paint for #2 pencils and marble notebooks, it seemed a fitting topic to discuss. Don’t you agree, Donkey Lips?

Several media outlets have attempted to unravel the mysteries, as well as capture the spirit, triumphs and hardships of sleep-away camp. In my opinion, the most successful has been this 1998 “This American Life” piece which goes deep into the bunk trenches. For many – particularly those who didn’t grow up on the East Coast where overnight camp (and getting your first pair of velour Juicy Couture pants) is a rite of passage – it’s a nice introduction.

But there are several things that the piece doesn’t address, which as a sleepaway camp veteran, I experienced first-hand.

  1. Religion. Religion is a current that runs through many camp experiences – whether you’re Jewish or Sikh or Christian. As an 11-year old Hindu whose parents only took her to temple once a year (and mostly to visit the temple’s excellent canteen for samosas), somehow I didn’t consider that YMCA camp included the operative word, “Christian”. I was forced to sing Jesus songs every night at dinner and abandoned on Sundays when everyone else went to Church. The kitchen staff fed me ice cream for breakfast to make up for it. Win.
  2. Hooking up. Actually this has been discussed but should be discussed more. I’ve heard many stories of people losing their “second base” card in a canoe or on the top bunk at camp. Sadly, though I did polish my braces for the girl-boy dance at camp, I cannot report any “wins” in this category.
  3. Packages. My brother and I recently discussed the subject of receiving packages at camp. There are the kids who get six packages a day, each containing double-fudge brownies or heartfelt mix tapes…and then there are the kids who don’t. We generally fell in the latter category, though my mom sent my brother a sweet package of homemade Indian trail mix (yea, I know you’re so J right now) this summer to make up for it. Our theory is that generally immigrant families don’t really understand the whole “send a package to your child at camp so they can show off to their friends about how much you love them” thing. Then again, I’m guessing most immigrant families don’t understand why their child is choosing to sleep under mosquito netting for a summer either…didn’t they move to the U.S. to escape that?

Did you go to sleep-away camp as a kid? What were your unforgettable camp experiences? Salacious details and your best S’more recipes encouraged.

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Filed under Ramya, religion, Sex