Category Archives: politics

Getting Real about 3 people I want to slap some sense into this week

1) Chris Smith (+ all 173 members of the house that support The No Taxpayer Funding for Abortions Act)

This bill includes many provisions. One of these provisions is the Hyde Amendment which prevents federal dollars to cover abortions with exemption in cases of rape, incest and when the life of the woman is threatened. The bill however proposes a change in language from rape to “forcible rape”.

This kind of open-ended language could allow interpretations that distinguish “real” rape from “non-forcible rape?!” as in the case where woman have been drugged or if the woman is of limited mental capacity. Who wrote this bill? The frat boy who sat next to me in psych class freshman year who told me that when girls mean no they really mean yes? Republicans often argue that government’s reach is too vast, like Rep. Michelle Bachmann who said we have a bureaucracy that tells us “which light bulbs to buy”. It’s not government’s place to tell us how to live our lives in a more sustainable, earth friendly way but it IS the government’s place to tell a woman what is a true violation of her body?

This goes beyond the pro-life vs. pro-choice debate. Rape by definition is non-consensual sex. The word “force” has no place here. The absurdity of even having this debate is beautifully demonstrated by the following Daily Show segment:

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-february-2-2011/rape-victim-abortion-funding?xrs=share_fb

2. Kenneth Cole

And in other news Kenneth Cole referenced the uprisings in Egypt to promote his new spring line in the following tweet:

I guess clothes really can’t buy you class. Well done sir. I’m afraid this tweet might have the opposite effect you were hoping for on the sales of your new spring collection.

3. Gwyneth Paltrow

In the new issue of Harper’s Bazaar UK, Gwyneth complained about negative response to some of the posts on her lifestyle blog GOOP:

There were a couple of times when I thought, ‘I’m just gonna stop doing it. People are so mean to me. I don’t want to do it.’ But then I was like, ‘Who cares what some lame person out there says?’ I was in Italy once, and this old man came up to me and said, ‘I had the best time in Nashville because of Goop.’ And that is so worth it to me.”

Yes, keep doing what you do Gwyneth, don’t let those lame meanies get you down. Lonely Planet and Let’s Go, watch out, cause you might be out of business reeeeal soon.



1 Comment

Filed under Flora, internets, politics

Getting Real about a GREAT day for democracy

PROP 19 on the CALIFORNIA STATE BALLOT

Legaliza La Marihuana

2 Comments

Filed under Katie, politics

Getting Real about how I learned to love the Blue Angels

“The Blue Angels’ mission is to enhance Navy and Marine Corps recruiting efforts and to represent the naval service to the United States, its elected leadership and foreign nations. The Blue Angels serve as positive role models and goodwill ambassadors for the U. S. Navy and Marine Corps.”

Sitting in a dog park with a bunch of white people this weekend, I took some time to reflect upon the Blue Angels, life, and why my ears won’t stop ringing for the next three days.

As a little kid, my relationship with the military was limited to a fear of dying by bayonet attack while in a sleeping bag on Cub Scout camping trips and those terrifying commercials that looked like a game of BattleChess until the rooks turned into Marines and killed everyone with swords.

I was watching two little kids on Sunday, which is what I often do in the park when there aren’t any dogs around.  This makes parents really uncomfortable and they usually move to another spot in the park, which is fine, because then someone else shows up and I forget I was being creepy.  But, because this was a special day and everyone was picnicking because the Navy was going to simulate a high-casualty air strike above the city, the parents stayed put and allowed me to transfer my own thoughts onto their children and I started thinking that these kids probably hadn’t even seen those BattleChess ads.  I doubted they even knew what BattleChess was unless there’s an iPhone app for it (there might be an iPhone app, but I haven’t checked because I could never win on the DOS version which was likely far less sophisticated than the release out now).

It was pretty unlikely that these kids were Cub Scouts either, because I’m not even sure they have Cub Scouts in SF and if they did, they wouldn’t meet in a Church and DEFINITELY wouldn’t get to play with knives which was the best part of Cub Scouts before I learned about bayonets.  I resigned myself to the fact that the Blue Angels had found their ideal, uncorrupted audience with these little shits who suffered none of the military-related trauma I endured as a child.

After you watch gigantic death planes fly over your head for ten minutes, you start asking things like, “Why on earth do they do this ever year?” and “Why the hell are the Blue Angels not affiliated with the Air Force?” (this is a completely valid question and one I don’t ever expect to be answered). And my favorite of which, being “Man, Churchill had some ballsack to stand on top of the Treasury Building while the Nazi’s bombed the shit out of London”.

(Not actually a question).

 

 

"VICTORY"

 

But neither of these kids were bothered by the absurdity of planes belonging to a military branch inherently based in the water, and surely neither had the lung power to finish an entire cigar while running a country and watching bombers decimate your town and eardrums alike (still love you Winston).  They just kept cheering.  And not like how I cheer, secretly hoping for comical disaster, this was honest-to-goodness GO USA screaming.  Their cries, barely audible due to the chronic tinnitus growing inside my skull, began to take hold in my brain.  I no longer cared how much of the defense budget was allocated to these show-boating assholes.  These guys were protecting us, at that very moment, from the darkness lurking in my very own neighborhood.

I subconsciously traced their Pacific Heights flight path from home to home, noticing a strange triangular pattern that began on Lyon Street, shielding the sun completely from Dianne Feinstein‘s windows.  They turned up Broadway, flying so low the flowers wilted from the sound in Nancy Pelosi‘s back garden, and finally, completing their isosceles axis of evil, through Alta Plaza park where they nearly shook the solar panels from the bastions atop Sean Penn‘s seventh home.

 

 

axis of evil

 

They were telling me something, these Blue Angels, and I think I finally understood:  God sends the military to San Francisco once a year to remind us that we’re assholes, and that even he can’t get Pelosi out of office.

2 Comments

Filed under ghostwriter, politics

Getting Real about Rahm for Mayor of Chicago

I was four years old when Richard M. Daley was elected to his first of six terms as Mayor of Chicago.

big wheels

I was twenty-one, a mere fledgling in Chicago, when I befriended him, if only for a fleeting photo op.

Now I am twenty-five, a resident of Chicago for seven years, facing the end of an era, or an eon.  On September 7, Mayor Daley announced he would not seek re-election for a seventh term.  As I gaze at my warped reflection in the great curve of the bean in Millennium Park, Daley’s crowing achievement (because a Chicagoan’s best soul searching is always done there), I try to imagine life without him.  The Dynasty has remained intact for forty-two of the past fifty-five years, minus a thirteen-year hiccup in which Harold Washington and four other mayors, while managing to get elected without blood ties, still struggled against the Daleys’ clout over city council.  In those forty-two years, Daleys have presided over the erection of the Sears Tower and the languishing demolition of Cabrini Green.  They’ve waged Council War, rejected and embraced Affirmative Action, facilitated and combated race riots.  They’ve hired trucks, fired and convicted cronies, and cut bus routes while increasing Segway ridership by 1000%.  So what’s next?

I remember sitting unremarkably in my little wooden cubicle at work when I got the news.  Scarcely had Melissa Block announced Daley’s decision before Robert Siegel cut in, giddy with speculative reports of Rahm running for mayor.  This is not really news, though, as Rahm’s made it abundantly clear that he would love to reign over his former city, if only Daley would “stop FUCKING running!”  And, after Daley’s announcement, Emanuel’s imminent departure from his position as Chief of Staff seems to signify the obvious.

The forty-odd hometown heroes scrambling to fill the seat—aldermen, congressmen, teamsters, molecular gastronomists—are abuzz, angry that their “I live in or around Chicago” nativist cards might be trumped by Rahm’s “I was Obama’s Chief of Staff” card.  Unlike them, I don’t find it problematic or alienating that he left Chicago for D.C. to begin and end every day conferring with President Obama.  I don’t fear that Rahm, born and raised in the suburbs of Chicago, has lost touch with the city.  In fact, he’s nothing if not eternally embedded in Chicago politics, having served as policy chief and fundraiser for the 1989 campaign that started it all for Richard M.

So, more of the same, it seems; and for me, like many Chicagoans who, despite his many shortfalls, hold some vague allegiance to Daley, the ease of familiarity is tempting.  After all, conservatives call Emanuel “Rahmbo”—you’d never know he was missing a middle finger, filled with piss and vinegar as he is.  Daley couldn’t have found a better successor himself (except, maybe, at the family Christmas party).  And anyway, at this point, no other potential candidate stands out.  While Alderman Fioretti’s Ken doll tan and blonde hairpiece planted atop a Daleyesque physique are compelling (or, let’s face it, disturbing), he and the rest of the mob of potential candidates have some work to do to enter the consciousness of Chicagoans if they want to present themselves as serious competition.  And until they do, as long as Rahm promises to make up for Daley’s last major shortfall and get us the 2078 Olympics, he’s in.

1 Comment

Filed under Christine, politics

Getting Real about rights (or lack thereof) for migrant farm workers

Stephen Colbert testified before Congress today speaking as an “expert” on the intensity of farm labor after working one day in the bean fields of upstate New York.

His opinion of migrant workers stealing American jobs was simply stated as “I don’t want a tomato picked by a Mexican — I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan, and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.”

USA No. 1

Leave a comment

Filed under Katie, politics, TV

Getting Real about Lady Gaga’s burgeoning political power

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) has been a source of anger and confusion for the LGBT community and their allies for about 20 years. Who knew that all it would take to get a vote on repealing the act was a sprinkling of rainbow-colored Gaga glitter?

Apparently, Gaga herself.  Earlier today, on Twitter, she asked her followers to call Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and tell him to schedule a vote. So Reid responded, via his campaign’s Twitter account, that he already had. He said that the vote would be next week and that anyone in the United States should have the right to serve.

Move over, Madonna. There’s a new flame diva in the house. Here’s hoping that within the week gays can enjoy their bad romances AND stay on active duty.

Leave a comment

Filed under Music, politics, Ramya

Getting Real about touching Natalie Portman

i read the GRR post yesterday and started thinking a lot about natalie portman for like ten minutes. not like thinking ‘i’d so fuck natalie portman’, which is a good fantasy, but not the one i was having.

i was thinking about the time i touched natalie portman which was probably the best day of my life and that’s what i was thinking about.

for a long time i assumed i’d work in politics. what i didn’t know at the time was it was actually like saying you’d work in poverty and disappointment and probably have a bad haircut even though you had sweet hair at the time and had no idea that it would just fall out when you turned 26 and then you blame your dad who’s like, fuck you kid – i was always bald, and then you have no one left to blame because the story about your grandpa on your dad’s side is a load of shit.

so when you work in politics, everyone is really excited about things for no good reason. like, i’m so pumped about this election. this guy is totally gonna legalize it – which is one of my top three issues. but no one ever legalizes it which is why i no longer believe in anything and just moved to cali instead. but when people get excited in politics it means two things: free booze and celebrities, which are my other two top issues.

when i worked in politics i drank a lot of free booze. i was probably a borderline alcho because i even puked at my desk once, but it was more like dry heaves cause i obvi didn’t eat dinner the night before and mostly because i couldn’t go to the bathroom at work until lunch because the phone might ring and you had to pretend the senator was there and that he like couldn’t agree more with abortion or shooting mexicans at the border or else we’d lose the election and the world would go to hell.

but it was all worth it the time i touched natalie portman.

i was tight with the dudes at the democratic party when i had good hair and was taking like 12 credits and just chilling a lot so sometimes i’d ‘do shit’ for them to pad my resume and convince my parents i was doing relevant activites and that i was pursuing a meaningful career. this was when bush was president and we were all ‘really excited’ about being libs and we only listened to The Boss (born 2 run era).

due to all the excitement, and because we listened to ‘no surrender’ pretty much on repeat, natalie portman showed up to keep us really excited and to
tell us how to be better libs and how to go to harvard. this was when when natalie portman shaved her head and wasn’t that hot, which i think helped
her focus on working in politics. i usually block the part out about her shaved head when i think about the time i touched her and imagine she had the good star wars hair but i’m just using this for context. either way it was way better than listening to john kerry.

so the dudes at the democratic party knew i was tall and they needed someone to take a bullet for natalie portman and couldn’t afford actual bodyguards. obvi i was the first person to come to mind and i have always said i’d take a bullet for natalie portman every since i saw the professional on usa network when i was like 12 and knew we were destined to be together.

there were all these things i wanted to tell natalie portman when i touched her and because i was her bodyguard, i assumed she’d want to tell me things
she’s never told anyone else just in case she died in my arms and needed me to pass a message on to her loved ones. but no one shot her and we just kinda stood there and i swear it was her shoulder that brushed against my back.

3 Comments

Filed under ghostwriter, Hotness, politics, Sex