Category Archives: guest blogger

Getting Real about April Fool’s Day

April Fools’ Day is like the worst amateur night ever, except instead of a night, it’s the entire day and it’s not limited to a two-drink minimum comedy club. I’m sure you think you’re so clever, you friends who change your relationship status or birthday on Facebook, you professors who decide to say you’ve lost all the midterms and they’ll have to be retaken, you parents who tell your adult children that you’re getting a divorce (not cool, even today), you girlfriends who tell your boyfriends that you’re pregnant, and you coworkers who put signs on the coffee saying “Decaf”. I regret to inform you, but none of that is hilarious and none of that will earn you any high-fives (contrary to unpopular belief, high fives are awesome and never excessive [Ed. note: excessive high fiving is stupes…central]).

As someone who loves playing practical jokes throughout the year, even at the expense of friendships/relationships, I’m just saying, this is the one day of the year when people expect to be tricked. Some people forget throughout the day and still get fooled, I know, but there’s no accomplishment in getting them to believe something stupid for five seconds. If you’re going to try and live up the true spirit of April Fools’ Day, do something above and beyond the bare minimum (example: instead of putting a sign on the coffee, actually switch the coffee in those pots to decaf. It’s not much, but it’s something). If you can’t think of anything to do on that level, don’t do anything. It’s better to not pull a trite practical joke than to, for five seconds, convince your girlfriend that you have herpes.

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Getting Real about American Apparel

I love American Apparel. On any given day, there’s a pretty high chance you’ll find me wearing one of their fleece track jackets or t-shirts. I love the fact that I can get my hipster fix, without having to wade through a bunch thrift stores in the Mission. Their embrace of organic cotton products and sweatshop-free labor allows me to stroke my smug Bay-Area better-than-you sensibilities, for much less than the cost of a Prius.

Lately, however, the American Apparel store near my office has been making me a bit uncomfortable. No, it’s not the numerous sexual harassment lawsuits directed at founder (or the founder’s gross porn-stache).

It’s the mannequins. They’re a bit distracting. My monthly lunch-time walk-and-talk with my boss goes right by the store. And it’s tough to maintain a normal work conversation, when I’m faced with this.

Don’t get me wrong, I like some headless hipster ass in my face just as much as any red-blooded American male, just not when I’m trying to talk shop.

Maybe I’m just easily distracted. No problem, you say:  Eyes forward or just choose a different route. But it’s not just the walk to lunch: Grooveshark, SFist and Pitchfork (necessary daily viewing) all carry some steamy American Apparel ads.

And it’s not that I’m shocked by mildly salacious advertising. In fact, I love it. I’m all for the just-nailed-the-girl-next-door aesthetic.  Kudos to you American Apparel for making me uncomfortably aroused. It’s just a bit too much during the work hours. When pulling up an email in front of a customer, do I really want to see thigh-highs on the other screen?

socks so good, you don't need pants

Actually, yes, I do want to see thigh-highs on the other screen. But I need as much help as possible keeping a professional workplace, and these ad campaigns are not helping.

So, American Apparel, please confine your naughty advertising to stuff I’m not going to read at work (see TMZ & Perez Hilton), or at least limit the steaminess from 9-5.

Thanks,
Easily Distracted

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Getting Real about ‘jumping on the bandwagon’

 

RALLY PUMPKIN!!

 

Game 5.  Giants lost but still have a chance at the world series.  Recently, my interest with this particular group of ballplayers has grown into a small obsession.  I forget that not everyone skips out of work at 4:00PM; the Walgreens by my office is decked out in Orange and Black for Halloween and not for Cody Ross; and the Giants haven’t been part of my weekly agenda or even part of my consciousness before three weeks ago.

I am what the diehards grudgingly call a fair weather fan.

But maybe it’s not as bad as everyone thinks.  I don’t think jumping on the bandwagon just because everyone else is doing it justifies a defense.  But what if you’re jumping onto something that holds a lot of excitement and integrity, and it’s worth getting into.  The Giants is such an interesting and talented group who play as a team, and it’s not just a couple players who are the all-stars with egos (well maybe Tim Lincecum, but I’m giving him the Lebron James pass).  This team is great.  I love that Aubrey Huff‘s wife bought him a red thong, and he wears it around the locker room to rally the team.  I love that Bruce Bochy has a nickname for every single player on his team.  I love that the pitchers all grew beards and dye them black for no apparent reason.  And I love that there’s a twitter feed direct from Brian Wilson’s beard.

I know that I didn’t struggle through the entire season and have not earned my right to be a Giants fan quite yet.  I haven’t suffered any post inning anxiety attacks nor have I any permanent sweat stains on my shirts from wearing them an entire series without washing because I didn’t want to ruin a winning streak.  But calm down all you diehard fans and try to relish that your beloved team is taking over hearts -and work time- of almost everyone in the Bay Area.  Not a bad thing at all.

Get ready for tomorrow!

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