Monthly Archives: August 2010

Getting Real about Dancing with the Stars, Season 11

Alright, I admit I am a woman of many guilty pleasures, and last year I added Dancing with the Stars to that list. The season 11 cast has been announced and I must say, I’m pretty excited. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, Audrina Patridge (reality stars, check), David Hasselhoff (quitting his position as judge on one talent show to compete in another, bold move from the Hoff), Brandy (washed up pop star of the 90s, check), Michael Bolton (since you’ve cut those blond, flowing locks, you’re dead to me) Margaret Cho (every season needs a sass pot), Florence Henderson (old person who will be a terrible dancer but who you’ll vote for anyway cause you just feel bad, check), Kurt Warner (token macho football player who will try to find his gentler side, check), Kyle Massey and Rick Fox (who are these people and why should I care?), Jennifer Grey (nobody puts Baby in the corner…come on, I had to) and Bristol Palin.

Bristol Palin? Not to nitpick here, but isn’t the show called Dancing with the Stars? I realize the definition of the word star has been expanded generously to include some contestants, but this one maybe takes the cake. I guess getting pregnant at age 17, then preaching abstinence to American teens and having a mother who happens to be a bit cuckoo qualifies as star power these days. Cannot wait to hear Sarah’s commentary on her daughter’s performance. I’m hoping she works Maverick and Joe Sixpack in there somehow.

Although it’s very early on, and we don’t even know who will be partnering with who, I will boldly make my prediction for the top 3 this season:

David Hasselhoff. If you have any doubts this man can dance, please see the following:

“The Situation”. This man can beat the beat up with his eyes closed. AND he is already so orange he will not need any additional spray tan action. If nothing else, he will stick around for entertainment value. I can’t wait til he calls his dance partner a butterface and drama ensues.

Jennifer Grey. I mean obvi. She learned from Swayze. All she needs to do is master that lift and she is in. Although it will be sad to see Baby dancing with anyone other than Johnny, what is more sad is how Jennifer’s nose job ruined her career. Bad move Baby. Your time for redemption is here.

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Getting Real about a Dancing Merengue Dog

So, I must admit my dogological clock is ticking and my heart melted when I saw this video. Until I get a better San Francisco landlord that allows me to adopt a dog, I am forced to watch cute dog videos. Enjoy!

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Getting Real about the BEST and WORST dressed at the Emmys

Who doesn’t love a good red carpet especially when I can drink wine, eat potato chips and laugh at Ryan Seacrest trying to impersonate a straight man.

Last night we saw some winners – so happy MODERN FAMILY brought home best comedy, definitely best comedic writing on TV right now, sorry Glee kids your heads are already too big, especially you Lea Michele who looks completely disproportionate after dropping 20 lbs.

And some losers – why did I have to listen to Jewel sing while the worst photo ever of Brittany Murphy flashed on the screen during the “in memoriam” segment. Apparently Taylor Swift was busy.

Getting down to it…

MY favorite dress of the night – KERI RUSSELL – perfect in pink vintage Scherrer

The WORST of the WORST – LAUREN GRAHAM – you own a mirror right – let’s start using it

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More sad faces for fan favorite TINA FEY – you know I love you but what would make you chose this dress, you would have been better off wearing the show choir costume from the opening number.

Yeah! South Side!

BEST acceptance speech – JANE LYNCH obvi – how could you not give her this award for her fabulous portrayal of Sue Sylvester on GLEE – she even gave a shout out to the south side of CHICAGO! “Yeah!  South Side!”She also thanked her beautiful wife (Lynch was married past summer in MA) and the rest of her young and talented Glee cast “When I’m not seething with jealousy I am actually really proud of you guys”.

Satin Suit by Tom Ford

Runner-Up – RYAN MURPHY – who won for BEST DIRECTING in a comedy series for GLEE – thanked Tom Ford for his suit.

Jimmy Fallon fit nicely as the host, giving us a more relaxed awards show than in the past.  Could have done without the twitter updates.

Opening number – Jimmy Fallon performs a show choir style version of Springsteen’s BORN TO RUN.  Loved it!  But who decided to let Randy Jackson on stage?

Of course you can’t do an awards show without George Clooney.  The Modern Family sketch starring George being written in as a fellow castmate was pure Emmy gold.  Did anyone else love Manny in a pimp suit as much as I did?

MAD MEN won for best drama – obvi – this show messes with my head every Sunday night, I love it – I hate it – I want to have sex with Don Draper – I want to slap Don Draper and mess around with Betty – I have weird dreams and always feel unrested Monday morning.  I would have been proud to see Roger Sterling pick up his award for best supporting actor but sadly that went to Aaron Paul for BREAKING BAD.

TOP CHEF won for best reality program – finally the Amazing Race doesn’t win it.  The magical elves were truly gitty about their statue and probably ate about it later.  Top Chef D.C. is the best season yet.

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Filed under Fashion, Hotness, Katie, TV

Getting real about what to do when moths eat your leggings

Oh really? You’ve never had moths eat your leggings? Well, consider yourself extremely fortunate. More fortunate than Elli, the amazingly awesome star of the Elli’s Diary YouTube series and the hottest thing to come out of East London since…well, ever.

Other things that make me relate to Elli:

  • Boys. Let’s get them all over and done with. PREACH IT SISTER.
  • Except Justin Bieber. He can stay.
  • She uses the word “bummer” regularly (note to self: do that more)
  • I have wanted to see Toy Story 3 FOR AGES. If you’ve seen it, please leave a brief description in the comment box.

I HEART ELLI!!!!!!!!!!!

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Getting Real about the Integrity of the Medley

Over the past few years, I’ve noticed several trends come in go in the pet peeves department. For example, I can no longer describe a cake as “moist” without sending shivers down my co-worker’s back or think a dog looks cute in a plaid jacket (or any outfit for that matter) without getting glares from my friends. As of late, I noticed a new pet peeve trend rearing its ugly head…destroying the integrity of the medley.

My friend Jamie coined this term several years back when he was annoyed with someone throwing of the proportions of some sort of mixture. Basically, anytime you have a medley or mixture with given proportions, you must maintain those proportions or you too run the risk of destroying the integrity of the medley. Last night, I was enjoying a delicious piece of prosciutto and arugula pizza at Delfina and went to grab and extra bite of meat off of the neighboring slice when Ramya screamed “don’t, you are going to ruin the integrity of the medley!” I was so shocked I released that delicious bit of meat, something I would never normally do. Then it occurred to me that my friend recently complained about an attentive waitress that was a bit too attentive with the coffee refills. “She is ruining my coffee/milk/sugar proportions every time she fills it up!”

When did this happen? When did we get so consumed with proportions that I can’t steal a few mozzarella balls from the Caprese salad without picking up one tomato in the lunch line? Have you noticed this too?

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Getting Real about sleep-away camp

My brother just got back from being a counselor at sleep-away camp in Vermont and as countless children across the United States trade in their friendship bracelets and Color War paint for #2 pencils and marble notebooks, it seemed a fitting topic to discuss. Don’t you agree, Donkey Lips?

Several media outlets have attempted to unravel the mysteries, as well as capture the spirit, triumphs and hardships of sleep-away camp. In my opinion, the most successful has been this 1998 “This American Life” piece which goes deep into the bunk trenches. For many – particularly those who didn’t grow up on the East Coast where overnight camp (and getting your first pair of velour Juicy Couture pants) is a rite of passage – it’s a nice introduction.

But there are several things that the piece doesn’t address, which as a sleepaway camp veteran, I experienced first-hand.

  1. Religion. Religion is a current that runs through many camp experiences – whether you’re Jewish or Sikh or Christian. As an 11-year old Hindu whose parents only took her to temple once a year (and mostly to visit the temple’s excellent canteen for samosas), somehow I didn’t consider that YMCA camp included the operative word, “Christian”. I was forced to sing Jesus songs every night at dinner and abandoned on Sundays when everyone else went to Church. The kitchen staff fed me ice cream for breakfast to make up for it. Win.
  2. Hooking up. Actually this has been discussed but should be discussed more. I’ve heard many stories of people losing their “second base” card in a canoe or on the top bunk at camp. Sadly, though I did polish my braces for the girl-boy dance at camp, I cannot report any “wins” in this category.
  3. Packages. My brother and I recently discussed the subject of receiving packages at camp. There are the kids who get six packages a day, each containing double-fudge brownies or heartfelt mix tapes…and then there are the kids who don’t. We generally fell in the latter category, though my mom sent my brother a sweet package of homemade Indian trail mix (yea, I know you’re so J right now) this summer to make up for it. Our theory is that generally immigrant families don’t really understand the whole “send a package to your child at camp so they can show off to their friends about how much you love them” thing. Then again, I’m guessing most immigrant families don’t understand why their child is choosing to sleep under mosquito netting for a summer either…didn’t they move to the U.S. to escape that?

Did you go to sleep-away camp as a kid? What were your unforgettable camp experiences? Salacious details and your best S’more recipes encouraged.

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Filed under Ramya, religion, Sex

Getting Real about the 50 Best College Bars in America

What statistic is more important to college students heading back to campus right now than their current US News and World Report Ranking?

State Street Brats - Madison WI

Whether or not their local watering hole made it in complex.com’s “50 best college bars in America”

What I am happy to report is that the Big 10 had a very strong showing with 6 schools repped in the top 20.  Madison and Penn State even had 2 shout outs.  Noticeably absent were Michigan State, Purdue, U of Illinois, Minnesota and Iowa.  I guess those schools have little work to do in the drinking dept.

Should I be proud that future Big 10 member Nebraska was listed as having the #1 college bar in America?  I’m going to go ahead and say yes for now.  And speaking as someone who has actually visited Lincoln NE, I will say that I was pleasantly surprised at what a chill college town it turned out to be.

Here’s the important stuff for those of you keeping track…

1.  Duffy’s Tavern – Lincoln, NE

5. Kilroy’s on Kirkwood – Bloomington, IN

9. The Keg – Northwestern

12. Out-R-Inn – Ohio State

14. Good Time Charley’s – Ann Arbor, Michigan

15. All American Rathskeller – Penn State

18. State Street Brats – Madison, WI

34. Phyrst – Penn State

37. Kollege Klub – Madison, WI

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Filed under Beverage, Katie, Travel

Getting Real about the worst traffic jam of your life

is beijing the new la?

i remember i had an interview once in hollywood that was later in the afternoon but i had nothing to do during the day, so i just fucked around and played fifa for like four hours, then i realized my hair looked terrible and i should get some product to keep it in check.   so i went to gelsons and bought this bottle of dove gel that looked like blue jizz (i still have this bottle today) but would make my head look better.  then i put the suit on that my parents bought me when i graduated but whenever i don’t spend my own money on clothes i try to get somethign cooler than i probably should have in which case it goes out of style in two years. three buttons seemed awesome at the time but now i’m well aware that you should just own a two-button suit and be done with it.

anyways, i was super late but my hair looked good even tho i was sweating balls in this suit and then i realized i didn’t actually know where the building was, but i thought i’d driven by it before.  this was b4 i had a super phone and could google pretty much whatever i wanted.  so i ended up on la cienaga and remember thinking i’d blown the job for so many reasons, the worst of which was this fifa season i was playing with wigan athletic.  there’s no reason you should ever play a fifa season with wigan athletic but it became this personal challenge and was realistically as good a use of my time as any and i was basically dominating the premier league with a second tier team with a great name.

the stoplights were absolutely killing me at this point and i was thinking about just pulling a super illegal u-turn and going back and playing fifa because i was already 25 minutes late and it wasn’t like the job was that sweet.  but i heard that a basic traffic violation was like a $400 ticket b/c the state was broke and i didn’t have those kind of skrills so i just went to the interview and got the job the next day.

so apparently china is worse now.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704125604575449173989748704.html?mod=WSJ_hpp_MIDDLETopStories

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Getting Real about 20somethings

What is it about today’s generation of 20somethings in 2k10?  This is the question of the moment according to the nytimes, the today show and around 65% of my friend’s status updates on facebook.

20somethings chillin in their parent's basement

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html

Taken from a recent gchat convo…

Bro1: Was your weekend dominated by “20something” conversations?

Bro2: Dude I am actually reading that nytimes article as we speak?

Bro2: Are you looking into my computer right now?

Bro1: Yes and I can’t believe how much porn you have on this thing.

According to statistics stated in this article today’s 20somethings are marrying later, settling into careers later, and in turn worrying the shit out of their parents.

I’m wondering though if any real concern for these “wondering souls” is really necessary or if everyone over the age of 30 is just totally jealous of how carefree 20somethings are allowed to be.

Most 20somethings in 2k10 have been coddled by the present society.  Taught from a very young age that they can be whatever they want to be, do whatever they want to do.  Educated at the very best schools on their parents dime well off 20somethings probably know very little about financial independence, they only know that they are entitled to the right of self-exploration, because even if the only job they can manage to hold down is at a coffee shop 20somethings know that their parents will make that $1000 a month rent payment for their chilled out box of a room in Brooklyn.

How about you?

Are you a 20something?

Or are you actually 31 with little to say for yourself so you pretend you are 23?

Is your mother pretty certain you will never actually get married?

Are you living with your boyfriend/girlfriend but not married and not even close to getting engaged?

Are you pretty sure you can still get pregnant at 40 and not have any complications b/c of the crazy advances in fertility drugs?

Do you get freaked out by babies?

Are you terrified of getting Kate Hudson fat when you are pregnant?

Did you see Eat, Love, Pray and are thinking that Julia Roberts is actually a sad excuse for a 20something?

Did you see Eat, Love, Pray and have already booked a trip to Bali to experience “real” meditation?

Do you start to cry at the thought of the dbag who started the twitter account “Shit My Dad Says “getting a series pickup on CBS starring William Shatner?

Have you been trying to sell your screenplay for the last five years?

Do your parents respect your creative pursuit to blog fulltime instead of hold a real job?

Are you above an entry-level desk job?

Are you above an entry-level desk job in an exotic location like London or Paris?

Are you contemplating a masters b/c you just got back from 1 year abroad?

Do your parents pay for your iphone?

Do your parents still give you an allowance?

Do you know how to make a bed?

Can you boil water?

Do you eat out for almost every meal?

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Getting Real about acid trips

flying wook!

i’ve struggled with being a phish fan for the past year.  its tough to justify to your employer that you’re missing work to see this band; its even tougher to justify to yourself that you’re missing work to see this band.  i’m 26 years old, i hold a steady job.  it’s no longer socially acceptable to know the smell of dmt in a crowd of degenerates or the sound of a nitrous tank in the woods behind the berkeley law school.  but i’m fine with it.  this is phish 2.0 – the sober tour.  and then this shit happens…

the flying wook of jones beach – http://mobile.gothamist.com/2010/08/19/phish_fan_in_icu_after_plunge_from.php#gallery

i’ve seen a lot of things in my life. a meatstick with japanese translation (rosement ’02), the leo treo (alpine ’03), a lizards encore (first since ’94), several glowstick wars that combined couldn’t live up to the fireworks during the loving cup at indio ’09, but i have NEVER seen a man hurl himself from an amphitheater balcony with a head full of acid.

quote from a bro in the balcony:

“he was completely spun. he jumped between me and my buddy. we were in the 2 seats at the front corner of the mezz in that picture. he came down the backs of the seats stepped on the back of our seats, put his hands on our shoulders and a foot on the railing and jumped…dove. he belly flopped onto the seats”

ponderable situations:

– if you were a bro tripping balls, what would you dive into?
– ever wonder how scrooge mcduck dove into all that gold and avoided massive duck-head trauma?
– how good was that antelope?

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